What is a Successful Marriage?

What is the secret to a successful marriage?

The question is as old as the institution.

Now Flinders University researchers are seeking a definite answer to this age old question.

The university is embarking on a world wide study of 50 couples whose union has lasted more than 25 years.  Each partner is interviewed separately.

Professor Mary Lusczcz says the project could finally unearth the secret to wedded bliss.  

“It is world-first research looking at marriage and other family relationships and their impact on psychological wellbeing”, she says.

“But anything is possible and we may unearth the secret to successful marriages”.  The studies findings will be reported in November. For many years I have collected prose and verses suitable for ceremonies including weddings, funerals and namings.

Some are gushy, some are mushy and, like the porridge in the story of the three bears, some are just right, for example, the verse I Promise by Dorothy Colgan. 

It begs the question, if the promises that have been written are honoured, does this make the ingredients for a successful marriage?

          I Promise.

          I promise to give you the best of myself and to ask of you no more than you can give.

          I promise to respect you as your own person and to realise that your interests,
               desires, and needs are no less important than my own.

         I promise to share with you my time and my attention and to bring joy, strength and
               imagination to our relationship.

         I promise to keep myself open to you, to let you see through the window of my world
               into my innermost fears and feeling, secrets and dreams.

        I promise to grow along with you to be willing to face changes in order to keep our
              relationship alive and exciting.

        I promise to love you in good times and in bad, with all I have to give and all I feel
              inside in the only way I know how.

       Completely and forever.

Returning to the question of what makes a successful marriage, it would be wonderful if readers could take the question on board, discuss it around the kitchen table and share their thoughts with other readers.

Feel free to email your thoughts to my new address: annie@celebrant-services.com  so I can include your contributions in this column in the weeks to follow.

If marriage solemnises love, by giving this most inward of feelings an outward form then perhaps couples need not only a pre-nuptial agreement but a written plan of how they will keep “love” alive and kicking for the rest of their lives together.

Zip or Zap: Pre-marriage counselling is a great idea.  As well as hearing how much your partner loves you, it also gives an insight into what makes your partner tick.