“It is therefore possible for a civilised man and woman
to be happy in marriage, although if this is to be the
case, a number of conditions must be fulfilled.
There must be a feeling of complete equality on
both sides; there must be no interference with mutual
freedom, there must be the most complete physical and
mental intimacy; and there must be a certain similarity
in regard to standards of values….Given all these
conditions, I believe marriage to be the best and most
important relationship that can exist between two human
beings”.
This quote by Bertrand
Russell gives some fairly strong pointers on his believe
on what makes the marriage successful.
I think he is saying that both partners need to
feel equality with each other, perhaps not like in times
gone by where the husband was the breadwinner, the
provider, the rock that held the family together.
It also states that mutual freedom is very
important and that you should be allowed to have your
own sense of independence.
It is just known these
days that for financial security usually both partners
need to work to make ends meet.
It states that there is no shenanigans physically
or mentally as I say to my husband ‘you can get your
appetite out but make sure you eat at home’ meaning
faith and trust.
It also states for me that you both have common
goals, a vision for the future and you both have similar
standards and values.
I have now been performing
ceremonies for the past 6 years and I still believe that
relationship counselling is such an important part of
the pre-marriage package.
I have had brides ring me at 2.30pm in the
afternoon; the wedding was at 4pm, to change the vows,
again. This
is after several rehearsals only to work out which tree
would be best to walk around as she made her grand
entrance.
This is all well and good
but I remember thinking I hope you have put as much time
into nurturing your relationship as you are planning
this grandiose wedding ceremony.
On the wedding day I noticed that the happy
couple didn’t seem to be that physically cohesive and
there was an artificial air of intimacy and just didn’t
seem quite dinkum.
I left the ceremony thinking that they were a
lovely couple and wished them well; with my fingers
crossed behind my back.
This
Newsletter's ZIP or ZAP
A good read is the “The
Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.
A great read for all couples.
Til next
time,
Annie.
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