When either partner has been previously married, an
appropriate ceremony might address not only the
different understandings and expectations each person
might have of marriage, but also issues of blending
families.
When each partner has a child or children from prior
relationships, their participation in the ceremony can
symbolise this blending and the equal importance each
partner’s children hold.
My experience with couples who have children from
previous marriages is that they often wish to include
their children in the ceremony.
This both helps the children feel more
established as members of the new family and gives them
the opportunity to bless the union by their
participation.
Ways of Involving Children
Smudging:
Smudging is generally thought of as a Native
American ritual, but the use of burning incense or herbs
for cleansing is actually common to many traditions.
Early in the ceremony the celebrant says “In many
traditions a new beginning is preceded by a cleansing
ceremony in which sweet herbs are used to purify the
ritual space as well as our own inner space”.
The child/children light some sage and sweet
grass or your favourite herbs.
They can then let it burn and they or a family
member can explain the ritual.
Or the traditional way is to have the herbs in a
shell or special bowl and carry it around a circular
area that would be used as the ceremonial space.
They then pass the shell around each person in
attendance, symbolically cleansing and readying everyone
for beginning the ritual.
Flower Bearer:
The child/children lead the ceremony, sprinkling
the ritual space with pot-pourri along the path to the
ceremonial place.
There,child/children wait while the betrothed
walked together over the petals.
When they reach the child/children they both
embrace them, thanking them for the good job done, and
they go to sit with a relative.
Ring Bearers:
The child/children are asked to bring forward the
rings – this can be done with them saying something or
some one else.
As a symbol of their union
….. and …. have chosen to exchange rings.
Could Bride/Groom/their child/ ……. bring them
their rings.
Child: I
brought the rings to this ceremony as a sign of my/our
happiness that you are getting together.
Parent:
Thankyou! We would like to give you this gift as a sign
of how important you are in our family.
This is a symbol of our love and the bond between
us all.
Candle Ceremony:
The couple
lights the central candle, with it the daughter’s
candle, then those of the other children.
“The lighting of the centre candles represents
not only the union of …….. and ………… in marriage, but the
unity formed in this new family in which your lives will
now shine as one family.
Acknowledgement of Stepchildren:
With the union of John and Karen comes the joining of
two families. May I ask that John & Karen’ children
(children’s names) step forward and join hands.
Karen (to John’s children):
I, Karen promise
to be the best step mum I can be. I embrace John’s
children as part of my family and will cherish, love and
care for them from this day forward.
John:
As much as I am committing myself to Karen and
making life long promises to her. I also want to make
promises to her daughter (name). She is as important to
me as if she were my own daughter. I will cherish, love
and care for her from this day forward.
Annie to present Karen’s daughter with her Certificate
showing her new surname
Part 2 – Involvement of Children
next week
Annie
This weeks ZIP or ZAP
Enlarge a photo of you both and have your guests sign
their names.
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