Marriage can be the most rewarding experience in our
lives, full of fun and challenges and growth.
But often relationships already include children
from previous relationships/marriages so your
partnership is not only a commitment to each another but
it will also create a new family group.
A large number of weddings in Australia now are for the
second marriage of a divorced person.
Legally this presents no problems providing the
divorce has actually taken place and the correct details
are listed on the form supplied by the Celebrant.
A problem may arise where there are children of
the first marriage.
It used to be considered incorrect for children
to be present at the remarriage of either of their
parents.
The rationale for this was that they would have had
divided royalties since the party remarrying would be
forcing them to witness a scene that was emotionally
hurtful for the other parent.
Now there is so much divorce and remarriage that people
don’t tiptoe around the issues that they used to.
Children often accept that their parents are
better apart and can be mature enough to understand that
adults have emotional needs that they must fulfil.
The parents should be sensitive to the children’s
needs, discuss the matter with them and clear up any
worries that children may have.
Children frequently wonder what their
relationship to the new spouse is.
Whether he or she was responsible for breaking up
the first marriage and whether they are still loved as
much themselves.
You know that sort of scene like if Dad can change his
wife can he also change his children.
All of this needs careful handling, not just ‘and
by the way’ announcement.
In line with this most people feel that their
children should attend the ceremony and be present for
at least a part of the reception.
There are no set rules but here are a few suggestions
for handling situations as we have discussed:
If the bride grew up with her stepfather and saw her
natural father only occasionally the stepfather should
give her away and act as host at the reception.
If the bride maintained regular contact with both
parents her natural father should give her away.
The seating in the church would be front row
mother and stepfather, second row, father and
stepmother.
The same seating arrangement can be used if both the
grooms’ divorced parents attend the ceremony.
The parent who gives the bride away stands in the
receiving line.
It may be necessary to ask one parent to attend
the ceremony only and not the reception, to avoid any
problems.
My genuine advice here is that you go with your heart.
Certainly with second and third marriages it’s
about unselfishness and thinking of others.
There is a terrific prepare-mc program that is offered
and it is with Relationships Australia.
I am sure that there are others as well.
Relationship’s Australia have been helping people
get their lives together for over 53 years, it’s a
non-profit association with no religious affiliation and
it is at 46 Princess St, Kew, Vic. Ph (03) 9261 8700.
This weeks ZIP or ZAP
Keep your wedding bouquet, have it dried and framed.
Regards,
Annie.
<<
Previous ||
Next >>
